Your lighter doesn’t open the way it usually does and after trying three times you approach it differently.
A sixty something year old man walks by you with a smile that you don’t often see when you are smoking, you forget for now that people don’t like you as a smoker. You begin to mistake his smile and wonder why he forces it. The younger man on the riverwalk pretends to have functional wings as he rides his bike and flies away from the cavernous underpass. You close your eyes, head tilted to the sun, and grasp the chain link fence behind you; your attempt to avoid getting carried away by the oppressive and nauseating haze that deflates your self worth and reminds you to forget that there is always “something more.” Evidence has only proven to you that this is the power that will not be defeated for long. What have your chemicals done but failed and what will the new ones do but fail again and warp your judgement further? The stones and boulders that support this delicate cave may fall and your surroundings, your new companions, will be those subjects in your head that taunt you, humiliate you. You remember that phrase “the bad makes the good better,” but you also remember that life works in cycles and good is replaced by bad once again. Where is the light? Where is the hope? When so many can look and always be on the outside of the cave how does that make it easier to see without a fabricated delusion? It may be true, it may not; one does not know the future, but that is an equally strong incentive to never want to find out.